The air
startles my lungs
stunning me with health and life
The streets
stirred by light
dive from the seams and slip past me
The earth
breathes a melody just under
her children’s constant chiming
The hour
again finds me and flowing
back into my blood, displaces the day.
(ReadWritePoem, Get Your Poem On #34)
Drawings in the Surf
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Somewhere I read that Japanese artists etched beautiful drawings into the low tide sand. I thought, "I hope they took a picture!"
Obviously, I missed the point.
In this blog, I am attempting to do more drawings in the surf, relearning to let them go--as we did when we were kids.
Somewhere I read that Japanese artists etched beautiful drawings into the low tide sand. I thought, "I hope they took a picture!"
Obviously, I missed the point.
In this blog, I am attempting to do more drawings in the surf, relearning to let them go--as we did when we were kids.
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12 comments:
Help me out here:
Everytime I rewrite this poem, I change "diplaces" to "displacing" and back again (in the last line).
What do you think?
Hi Jenn. I like this poem, I really get the "inspiration" (literally).
My $0.02 on your question: I'd say definitely "displaces" not "displacing". "Flowing" is _how_ the hour displaces the day.
My favorite image: the streets "dive from the seems" -- excellent!
I like the shape of this poem and lines 7-9 are particularly good. I'd go with 'displaces' in the last line too.
Hi Jenn, thanks for stopping by. I vote for displaces too......I like 'the streets stirred by light', beautiful image.
I too vote for displaces..
piece of charcoal split into splinters
It enables us to express our feelings and opinions.
Such a pain when reality strikes. That little seed, in a brief moment, demands watering with such great might.
Very nice -
I like "the streets...stirred by light"
I vote for displaces too!
n and the pees
Yeah it reads ok like this - but if you really wanna use 'displacing' I think you'd need to change 'flowing' to flows. (And what's with that word 'seems'?) Anyway, what do I know - I like your poem!
I think that if you change "displacing" you will have to changed the tense in the rest of the poem. I would keep it as it is.
Sweettalkingguy, you are right. It was a misspelling. Thanks for pointing it out.
Thanks everyone for the advice. I will keep it "displaces."
Craftygreenpoet:
7-9 were the lines I thought most out of place. Thanks.
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